I am here, he is there. What more is there?

I miss my husband so much and yet, it hurts that he does not seem to understand how I feel. He wonders why I wanna talk to him every day and why I have to "make a big deal" out of it.

HAPPINESS

I talked to my husband this morning and we decided that even of the house is not rented he will be moving North around June 10th. Our anniversary is June 9th. I cannot express the joy I feel right now!!!

lost in Pa

Today I just felt lost. In every sense of the word.

To start out with I got lost on my way home from my new job, (side note: yay me!) I mean really lost. I missed the turn to get on the correct road due to the miles of construction taking place that had not started til after I had passed by the first time. Granted this was my first time ever driving the route myself so I guess I could not be too upset with missing the turn, but I was so bull-headed that I waitied until I really did not knopw where I was to call and ask for help. Even then it took my dad, 2 construction workers, and a sign to get me back on "a" track to get me home.
 In the end I found myself back in the town of the College University and saw my professor walking out of a building so I stopped to say Hi. She is taking a sabbatical next year to go and work on her art. which is good, for her. She will be gone for an entire year. So now I am worried about what to do next. Should I go for the double major? should I major with the B.F.A. and get a minor in English and then just get a teaching cert? Should I go back to the island and just stick out the lease?
I got a new job but the pay is the lowest I have ever been paid since I was 16. That really has me at a loss. Then again if I am going back to college then I guess it is ok to just have a part time job. But what about Alix? What about Dyan? How will they survive while I am off student teaching? I don't think I can work while I am doing that.

I am so lost without Dylan here. He is the one I ramble off everything to and he always has some silly comment that makes me feel better. I know he is down there on the island having fun. There is a Pow wow this weekend and they are letting him be a part of the festivities. I do not understand how he can be so calm about our separation. I called him and asked why he had not called his daughter back and he asked if he had to call every day. I said no hunny but you promised to call and talk to her. He had forgotten that he said that. I sometimes worry that he is using his memory as an excuse to not have to do things or remember things. I mean he always remembers what his boss tells him to do. right?

Being home is weird. i think it is so weird because my sister is also here and she just drives me up a wall. Her business is none of mine but living together again lets me see glimpses of it even if I don't want to. She is up to her old trick again making sure she is not being ignored. I would love nothing more than to simply say that she can stay and I will just get an apartment, but I need to get some money together to get myself out of debt and back in the "green". I am trying to fix the mistakes I made and (to me at least) she is just trying to get people to give her something, anything. I know my mom and dad love her but they are saints people. really and truly. I would have thrown her out on her ass the first time she did one of the things she did. Then again maybe I would not have. If Alix ever does anything simiular to her aunt I have no clue how I would react. I just don't see me having the same patience and forgivness they have.

I am a firm believer of the phrase "hurt me once, shame on you; hurt me twice, shame on me."

But for now I am lost and just a little alone because I have no place to go. I just need to... figure out what I need to do.

Packing

So I have sat down and thought about things.
I have been married for 3 years (almost)
In the 4 years we have been together we have:
Moved 5 times(this will be the sixth)
Lived in three states
and went through 3 cars.

Why is it so hard to settle down? we will be moving at least one more time after moving back to my parents and after I graduate... who know where we will go?

For now I will pack. The future has so many possibilities that it makes my head spin.
This is me... packing.

How long was it before you and your significant other settled down and stayed in one place?

Easter

So today was Easter Sunday. I got up early and put out Dylan's and Alix's baskets and yelled upstairs that the Easter Bunny had come. Then I jumped into the shower. I got out and both baskets had been riffled through and there was not one for  me.
Now I know what you are thinking... Easter is not about a stupid basket. The whole thing brought up a recurring issue though. Dylan never thinks of me at holiday are Birthdays. or our anniversary.My first Mother's Day... he didn't even say Happy mother's day. My birthday? He thinks a great roll in the sack is a good present. Today when I asked him if he got me anything he ran upstairs and got the gift he was going to give me for Russian Christmas. (long story it never happened) It was a bag of plaster. Now I have been wanting a bag, (it's my medium of choice for sculpting) but, not for a gift...as the whole gift. That would be something my dad would get me as a gag gift. The only time he actually does well when buying stuff... Christmas. well at least the Christmas  before last.

Now don't mis-understand, I have been making excuses for him for the last three years. "He's working too hard to remember" or "He just not romantic" or "He has a bad memory". I am tired of always making excuses for him. I am always tired of giving and giving. It's not like it is a competition either. I honestly forget about what he has done past years hoping he gets it right the next time. he never does... Like for Easter I was shopping and saw a lunch box... Mom always gets dad a lunch box for one holiday or another and I thought that it was a good time to get Dylan one. (Alix destroyed his current one.) The gag part of his gift was plastic silverware and paper plates so he doesn't have to do dishes while I am gone. Then I threw in some choc free candy and called it a basket. I even put a new travel coffee mug in because I always "lose" his. The whole kit and caboodle cost 25 bucks. The point is I thought of my husband. I even showed it to him early so he might get the hint to get me something...any thing.

Instead he asked why I didn't get him his favorite candy.

I am really tired of feeling like I am left out at the holidays. What so I do?

New perspective

Last night was one of those long, draining nights that come when you are married. I was so angry at Dylan for staying out until 2:30 am. He said he was only going to be a few hours. I went ballistic. I had so many thoughts going through my head.
Luckily one of my best friends... no, my BEST friend was on line last night. He and I talked and compared notes on married life. He is probably the only man who can get away with calling me over-reactive. Then again, he has known me longer than any other human being (not counting parents) in the world. He was there for me when the first man I fell in love with cheated on me. He also dealt really well when I thought that I had fallen in love with him. AND he took me to our senior prom. oh the sight of him in a white tux was great. He was there through my darkest times and I have helped him through some tight spots as well. I still panic when ever he has to go in and have the hole in his heart checked.
Anyways... he and I talked and he brought a really good point to view. The reason I over react so easily is because I do not have any one here that I can rely on except my husband. So when ever he does something silly, say not calling when he is going to be late, I take is too personally because I am left alone.
In Pennsylvania I have a support system. This is part of the reason I want to move back. But here is my dilemma: There are two views to me moving home and I do not know which is "right".
View 1.) The entire point of getting married and growing up is to move away from the main family and start a new family. By staying close to the main branch of the family the newly formed family will never actually be their own "separate" entity. 
View 2.) Multiple branches of a family can co-exist in one area. They work together (and alone) to raise the children and help each other out. The amount of involvement of the family to any one home is up to the people who live in that home. It is more a  " it takes a village to raise a child" mentality.
I know which I believe...and that is why I am going home.